My Marriage: Beginning, Middle, and End

It’s been about two months since my life was forced to change. The idea of completely starting over sounds mysterious and adventurous. However, when starting over is forced on you because your husband of four years is outed by 1 of his 15 mistresses, it kinda takes the fun out of starting over if you catch my drift. However, what better way to start over than to contribute to the over-saturation of blogs?

If you’re new here, you’re probably confused. I know I was! If you’re not new to this story, you may only be familiar with the info I provide upon publicly dragging my husband via social media. If that’s the case, let me start from the beginning. Keep in mind, this is a bit of a read, so feel free to skip this cute little romance story section.

Trey and I went to separate high schools, but we met through his mutual friend. I had the biggest crush on him as soon as I saw him. He was tall, funny, and very gorgeous (to me..haha). Anyway, We all stayed mutual friends for a few years, and I only saw him a few times when we would all hang out. For some reason, I just knew I wanted to marry him one day. However, it wasn’t until a night out when we were around 21 that we finally kissed. I think up until that point it was just me with the teenage crush, but after that, things were different. That summer he finally saw me the way that I saw him. I wasn’t the awkward 16-year-old he met anymore, and we were so obsessed with each other that summer.

Unfortunately, we all know that any guy who seems perfect when we’re 21…is well…not perfect. I remember being at work, you know that perfect place to find out the worst news, and a girl on Instagram popped up with a profile picture that looked very similar to Trey. As you can guess, it was indeed Trey. My entire heart sank into my stomach, and what I naively thought after 6 months was forever was..not. We completely stopped talking after that for obvious reasons.

Cut to 3 years later, and Trey reaches out to me. I, of course, do not want anything to do with him. (ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT) However, he spent months convincing me he had been going to therapy, that he was young and stupid when we first got together, and that he never stopped thinking about me. He went to great lengths to make things better with our friends and my family. He was kind, charming, and always present. He tried to buy me expensive gifts, and he even surprised me with an expensive weekend trip. (Unfortunately, all signs of narcissism looking back).

Within a year, he had proposed to me, and we made plans for a wedding in San Francisco. I’ve always loved that city and hated the idea of a big expensive wedding, so it was the perfect location. Everything about it was romantic and adventurous. I waited so long to marry him, and I felt so elated. Nothing seemed out of place. Nothing at all about him seemed off. Looking back to the months leading up to the wedding as well as during and after, there were zero red flags. He wrote beautiful vows and seemed like he absolutely adored the earth I walked on. Even now when I think back to that time, my brain wants to think that was just another person. We were so happy.

As we all know, things weren’t perfect. I mean, that’s why I’m writing this, and you’re reading it. Since I was living in a world of perfection that had been cleverly faked, the cracks began to slowly show. He was angrier more often, and he blamed it on his job. He supposedly worked long hours. Soon the fights started happening more and more often, and with that, his business trips started happening. I questioned him many times on these business trips. The first time he cheated never left the back of my mind. (My biggest advice for choosing not to stay with a cheater. Even if there’s 100% proof they change, YOU still always have to live with the knowledge that they cheated on you. It never goes away. Don’t choose to live like that).

Even with all that going on, I loved our Nashville apartment. It was home. Our home. It was cozy, and perfectly decorated in whimsical decor and novelties. We would spend hours at night drinking a large bottle of cheap Barefoot Jazzy Red Roo, and laughing at how competitive we were at playing 500 Rummy with each other. I taught him that game. We loved spending time with each other that way. We laughed so much, but still, the fights got worse. The apartment started to feel so lonely. I thought we were just both burnt out. They always say the first year of marriage is the hardest. At some point though, I could tell we both stopped trying. I couldn’t understand why he was always so angry. What could he possibly be that angry for?

About two months before our wedding anniversary, I woke up wildly nauseous, and you guessed it, pregnant. It was a bit of a surprise, but we had both expressed several times that we wanted a child and had been trying on and off. I told him when he got home, and he didn’t seem happy or mad. He just said he was glad I was pregnant and was fine with it. Not the reaction you dream of your partner having, but also not a bad reaction. It seemed more like I was telling him what I decided to make for dinner, and not that I was pregnant with his child.

 When I found out I was pregnant, I was in the midst of my final semester of school, and I was throwing up 24/7. One night, when I was at home violently ill and in the middle of taking a major online exam for my degree, I realized it was pretty late and Trey was not home. I called him. No Answer. I call him again. He answers, and I can tell he’s drunk. I asked where he was, and he was super evasive and rude. He finally told me he went to our Alma mater to watch the football game with his friends and would be home later. He hung up. Turned off his phone. Did not come home that night. I hadn’t told anyone at all I was pregnant yet, so I was there alone very sick and having a panic attack. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone.

Finally, he came home the following morning, apologetic as ever, and begging for me and the baby. For me, there were not many options at that point. A large part of me did not want to keep the baby. Things had already been tough, and Trey not coming home was the last straw. How could he do that? However, an even larger part of me wanted to be a mom, and so desperately, I wanted our marriage to be happy.

Another unfortunate aspect of my pregnancy was being diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, a fun little genetic trait where you throw up non-stop for the entire nine months of pregnancy. I felt very reliant on Trey because of this. I had to work from home, I could barely do schoolwork. Of course, he also had lots of “business trips” during this time, so I had to rely on staying with my parents quite a bit. He missed the first doctor’s appointment and our wedding anniversary. It was a rough pregnancy both physically and mentally. So far, marriage and pregnancy had not been the things that I thought they would be growing up, but also, is anything?

 This is where things get painful for me to talk about. It was a cold rainy winter night, and I was at my mother’s preparing for her to come home the next day due to a major surgery she was having that night. As I’m there, I start to be in a decent amount of pain that does not feel normal to me. Around 6:00 pm, I called Trey letting him know how worried I was, and that I felt like I needed to go to the emergency clinic or hospital. I asked if he could please come get me. He angrily replied that if I actually thought something was wrong then I would take myself. I begged for him to please come to me. Finally, at 11 pm, he showed up.

Two days after this, we were due for a final doctor’s appointment for the baby. We made plans to meet up at our apartment after he got done working and I got done helping my mother post-surgery. I show up to the apartment at 9 pm. He’s not there, and his phone goes to voicemail. I panic, but finally, he shows up drunk at midnight. I ask where he’s been, and he very angrily says he was at a Titan’s game and his phone died. We continue to fight, and I see a woman’s scrunchy in his hair (he has long hair). He tries to make me think it’s mine. I know it’s not. He finally tells me his hair tie broke, and a random girl at the game let him borrow one. I’m not stupid. I know he’s lying, but I need sleep for the doctor’s appointment in the morning. He sleeps on the couch. I sleep on the bed.

We go to the doctor’s appointment not speaking. My sister is there, and she makes light conversation. The doctor comes in. Everything is going as normal. She does an ultrasound. The baby no longer has a heartbeat. Everyone is silent. The baby’s heart is silent, and our hearts are broken. All the fighting we had done the past few months doesn’t matter anymore. I still don’t know how we made it back to the car after that doctor’s appointment. The pain is unlike any other pain I have ever felt. It still hurts just the same right now as it did at that moment. I could see the pain in his eyes too. I at least know he was not faking that. That pain was real. I’m sure it still is for him. He apologized to me over and over again. He felt guilt for the immense stress he placed on me during the pregnancy. I just did not realize at the time what exactly was making him feel that guilty

In the weeks afterward, he was so attentive and dedicated to taking care of me. We had so much love for each other trying to get through this unbearable pain. My birthday was shortly after we lost the baby, and he did his best to make it a happy occasion. He cooked and made me a cake. He decorated our apartment with flowers and balloons. For my present, my heart broke. I opened up the tiny blue Tiffany & co. box placed on the table. Inside was a tink bean necklace. He said he purchased it after he saw the first ultrasound picture, and he got it to give to me after the baby was born. I cried and told him I did not deserve to have that after I lost the baby. He consoled me and said one day he would make sure I had a jewelry box full of bean necklaces from the family we would have one day.

 Unfortunately, this new side of him did not last long. Within two weeks, the “business trips” started again, and he was telling me he needed space to deal with his pain. I was distraught, to say the least. My whole world was crumbling down. I lost the baby, and now I was losing him. I felt like I lost everything. I was so unwell, that I had to quit my job and stay with my parents. I could not understand how he could leave me alone to deal with all of this on my own. He kept reassuring me it was just too much for him to deal with. He said there was no one else, and he just needed space to process his grief. I needed him, but if what he said was true, I felt so guilty for needing him. He started to become so angry at me for needing him, so I did my best to just leave him, my husband, alone.

I remember one particular night he was supposed to be flying back from a business trip, but I had not heard from him. Stupidly, I was so worried. His plane was supposed to get in at 10 pm, I did not hear from him till 1 am. He answered, and I could tell he was drunk. He tried to convince me he got drunk at the airport. I was staying with my mom while he was gone during this time, and even she tried to convince me of that. She said, “he’s probably just overwhelmed with grief like you are and had too much to drink at the airport”. In my mind, I knew better though. There’s nowhere to drink in an airport at 1 am. Who just gets off the plane when they’re home and starts drinking? Also, was he just going to drunk drive home? It didn’t add up, but also my mind would not let me believe he would cheat on me weeks after we lost a baby. However, I still knew he needed space, so I stayed with my parents.

My parents live on a large piece of land, with a restored camper in the back. For the next month and a half, that’s where I was. My apartment sat empty. Trey traveled for “business meetings” and worked longer hours than normal. We didn’t speak. Every time I wanted to text him, I typed the text in my phone’s note app and didn’t send it. I was desperate to not push him farther away from me. From then on out, it was just my dog, Riley, and me in that old restored camper. A dopey-looking great dane-labrador mix, Riley was my greatest comfort. He felt like all I had in that moment. He couldn’t tell me that I was taking too long to grieve and needed to move on. He couldn’t say “Everything happens for a reason”. He was just there loving me unconditionally as dogs do so well.

While I was staying at my parents’, I wrote, I read, and I cried. I was completely unavailable to the world. I had completely stopped living. I knew I could not keep living that way. Grief has the ability to swallow anyone, and I was completely consumed by it. I found the idea of escaping this anguish to be an impossible task. It is probably strange to see a girl in her 20s thinking her life is over, but that’s how it felt for me. That’s what pain does to you. I completely lost my ability to find hope. Everyone around me was ready to see me move on and start fresh.

It took a long time for me to be able to even semi-pull myself together. I knew I desperately needed to, but I didn’t know how. Finally, I decided to heal myself by traveling, and luckily I was financially in the position to do that. I had a million places I wanted to go that I thought would be healing for me. My first big plan was immediately shot down by my family. I wanted to get an air mattress for my car and drive from Nashville, TN to Portland, OR. Most people have popularized this, but I was not necessarily in the right mind frame to do this. Instead, I settled on a road trip to Big Sur.

Originally, I had planned to go on my own, but at the last minute, my mom and sister decided to accompany me. With a room I could not cancel, we ended up with all three of us crammed in a king bed. An inconvenience at first, but that turned into a memory I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ll never forget that next morning when we made the drive from the tiny town of Caramel, CA to the crystal blue waters of Big Sur. Seeing that view for the first time was indescribable. After 2 months of total isolation and grieving, seeing Big Sur in person was exhilarating. This entire trip slowly breathed life back into my lifeless soul. I still feel so fortunate to have been in the position to take this trip. Between the peace that you find within the presence of nature and the laughs you can only share with a sister and mom, I felt the cracks in my heart start to slowly mend.

 After returning from Big Sur, I was anxious. I did not know what my next move was. My apartment still felt empty, and Trey and I still barely spoke. However, I had a major stroke of luck when my best friend, Zak, invited me on his trip to Seattle. It was a gift from his new job that was completely paid for. Having been through his own set of struggles, he recognized how deeply I was struggling to keep my head above water. He never takes the credit, but I always tell him that this single gesture of kindness saved my life. In exchange for this trip being paid for, Zak was stuck in training meetings most days, so I was left on my own.

I had two choices sit in a hotel room alone or venture out into the city, so I decided to explore Seattle on my own. I know it doesn’t seem like a huge accomplishment, but I had never really traveled on my own. There has always been someone with me to plan and figure out where we were going. I explored that entire city from top to bottom. I think one day I walked an average of 30 miles according to the old Apple watch. I was so proud of myself. Knowing I could be on my own to explore and enjoy a new city sparked a sense of adventure I thought I had lost many years ago. Again, Zak, if you’re reading this, thank you. Who knows where I would be without that trip. It helped lead me to the path to finding my sense of self.

After I got back from Seattle, I felt more alive, and Trey and I slowly started speaking more. (It’s almost like guys have a 6th sense to feel when you’re becoming more independent.) I could also feel my sense of independence taking over, and I knew I needed to fight for more in my life. I needed to stop wasting away in my parent’s little camper, and for lack of better words, I needed to get a life. That’s when I happened upon a job opportunity on Mackinac Island in Michigan. For those unfamiliar with Mackinac, it is a small island that sits on Lake Huron. It almost looks straight out of a fairy tale with its Victorian cottages and crystal clear waters. I knew when I saw it that if I had the opportunity to live and work there then, I needed to go.

At this point, Trey and I were attempting to reconcile and live back in the apartment. Things were just okay. They kinda felt like how things were before I got pregnant. It felt like we were just tolerating each other, but my heart still ached for him after losing the baby. I wanted the love he had for me when he decided to marry me, but he kept hurting me. I remember one night in particular, He had just returned from a “business trip” and we decided to be intimate with each other for the first time since we lost the baby. Immediately, I noticed that he had completely manscaped, and not too recently either as it had started to grow back slightly. (sorry for the TMI. It’s unfortunately part of the story)

Anyway, I completely stopped what we were doing and immediately called him out. In return, he got so angry at me, and he accused me of being crazy. (another flag of narcissism). He told me he decided to do it when he was alone in his hotel on his business trip. He started yelling at me and said: “I can’t believe I can’t even groom myself without you being crazy and accusing me”. I was devasted. So much of me knew he was lying. I’m not stupid, but also so much of me did not want to believe he would hurt me like that after we just lost a baby.

Trey was very against me taking the job in Michigan. He did not want to do long distance because he did not think we could fix our relationship if we were living in different states. On the other hand, knew I needed to do this for myself, and that fight we had over his supposed grooming habits solidified that for me. I was going. I gave him space when I needed him the most. He could do this for me, so I accepted the job on the island. Besides, in my mind, it was working out anyway because our lease was ending the same week I needed to be on Mackinac Island. He also traveled so much for “work,” that it made sense for this to work out.

Before I left, we made many promises and I love yous to each other. We promised to make it work no matter what. He told me that he understood I needed to do this. He even jokingly said if I cheated on him while I was there he would come there and find me and serve me divorce papers. (a joke that would not lose its irony later on). We also made plans with my family to meet for a family vacation in Key West a month into my working on Mackinac Island, so we knew we wouldn’t go long without seeing each other. I truly thought everything was going to work out for us. Despite everything, I loved him blindly.

Mackinac Island was beautiful, but it took me a while to adjust. It was my first time moving away from home, and I was extremely homesick. I missed my husband, my dog, my parents, and my baby. Part of me had such a hard time appreciating the luxury of living on this island when I longed for the life I was supposed to have with my husband and my baby. Slowly, I started making friends and enjoying myself. I was going out with girlfriends, something I had not done in a very long time, and I was laughing so much more. I loved waking up in the morning and seeing how beautiful the water was and breathing in the fresh air. Mackinac Island was starting to feel like home, but as soon as I was there it seemed like it was time to head to Key West.

I had been looking forward to this trip since we booked it several months prior. I had a reunion with Trey and my family at the airport, and we started what I thought was going to be a relaxing vacation. Cut to the night we finally arrive at the house in Key West, and Trey starts drinking to unwind from the stress of his job and traveling that day. As he is drinking, I notice he gets up to grab something from his backpack, and he takes what looks like a pill. Not wanting to start a fight, I did not say anything to him. After all, what if it was just Tylenol? I’d seem crazy for accusing him of something. Once he went to sleep, I went in his backpack, and inside was a box with an address I had never seen before. I opened the box, and inside of that, I found a bottle of over-the-counter erection pills. My heart completely sank into my stomach, I thought I was going to throw up. I was living 14 hours away from him. Why on Earth would he have something like this? In a state of panic and anger, I shook him awake.

When I accused him as he woke up, he turned immediately enraged with me. I was scared because I had never seen him this angry before. He was still drunk and cursing me out. He started screaming at me asking me what right I had to go through his things. Out of fear, I start crying and having a panic attack. My brain was having trouble comprehending that this was real and not a dream. He finally calmed down, most likely from not wanting the embarrassment of waking my family, and he quickly told me a story about why he had the pills. He told me he had a friend at work who was also trying to have a baby with his wife, and that his friend recommended the pills. He said: “You know how much I have been wanting to have a baby with you Jennifer. My friend ordered extra for me, so we could try them”. At this point, I knew he was lying to me, but I was stuck on this family trip for the next week. Instead of calling him out, I grinned and bared it for the week, but I knew in my mind that I was done with the abuse and the lies.

When the trip was over, I confidently went back to Mackinac Island. I was even excited to get back. I missed my new girlfriends, and I was still shaken from that first night in Key West. At this point, Trey and I stopped speaking again, and I did not have a problem with it. I was healing from losing the baby and finally, waking up to the narcissistic abuse I had been enduring. I wanted happiness and a fresh start. Actually, I did not just want it, I knew for a fact I deserved it at this point. In this next part of the story, you can judge me if you want, but I don’t care. It is not something I’ll ever regret, and now that I know how everything with Trey ends, I can safely tell you it saved my life.

On Mackinac Island, there is a main bar that everyone goes to and hangs out at. At said bar, they have a doorman. My friends and I HATED this doorman. He was always so mean to us. I remember one night I tried to joke around with him, and he was not having it. I was so annoyed with him. I even texted another person who knew him and said word for word: “What is his problem? He actually has zero personality. I cannot stand him.” My friends and I were so mean to him, but looking back, I guess he was kinda just trying to do his job. In my opinion, he took his job a little TOO seriously. Like, just let me in the bar!!!

Keeping in mind my disdain for this man, my friends and I were being silly little girly girls playing truth or dare one night (as if were not all in our 20s). My dare was to go give my number to the doorman. Buzzed on the chosen seltzer of the night, my friend and I rode our matching pink bikes into town, I got receipt paper and a pen from the grocery store, and I gave him my number. What’s the worst that could happen? This guy and I could not stand each other, so he definitely was not going to text me. Plus, you always have to do things for the plot. Also, I gave him the receipt and ran away like a child, so he thought it was actual trash I was giving him before my friend explained that it was my number.

Cut to the next day, my hangxiety kicks in, and I start thinking “How am I going to go back to the one bar here after I gave the doorman my phone number and ran away like a weirdo?” Looking back it’s such an innocent thing to have hangxiety about. However, just as soon as my anxiety started, it stopped because Doorman did in fact text me. I did not know what to say. I was married, but I was also very separated. Besides, the only thing he texted me was two words, his name and where he worked. I wouldn’t really say that’s anything romantic or flirtatious, so I text him back. We text for the remainder of the day. Nothing noteworthy, it was just things like:

Me: I didn’t know if you’d text me

Doorman: Why

Me: We were arch-enemies for a bit

Doorman: We were literally never enemies, not once.

We definitely flirted a lot via text, but it never felt salacious or inappropriate. After years of dealing with anger, fights, and lies with Trey, talking to Doorman mainly just felt cute and innocent. I really liked him. I liked being on the island. Things weren’t heavy and painful for me anymore. I finally started living like a girl who was only in her 20s. The more Doorman and I texted, the more he added to that lightness that I needed for so long. It wasn’t until an event that one of the hotels was putting on that things started getting more serious. Doorman tried to kiss me that night. I didn’t let him, but also, I wanted him to. I felt guilty. I had feelings for him, but I was still married to Trey. Part of me still loved Trey.

Trey and I had been separated for over a month at this point. The last time we talked, it had been a heated discussion about how he thought I was going out with friends too much. (narcissism red flag) I was so angry. How could he say that to me when he did it while I was pregnant and then constantly after he asked for space when we lost the baby? Between that accusation, asking me to stay at home more, and what happened at the beach, we both knew there was nothing left of our marriage. How could there be? I told him he was being abusive to me. He said “I know. I’m sorry.” We stopped speaking. I knew I deserved so much better, and I was going to finally start putting myself first.

Luckily, my denial of his kiss did not deter the doorman from pursuing his crush on me. We kept talking every day. One night after a couple of chambongs, I was feeling bold and silly, so I text Doorman.

Me: Too bad you can’t make out on the job

Doorman: Well Maybe I will anyways

Not expecting his reply, I showed my friends. They told me: “you have to do it,” so I decided to leave where I was, I walked up to him while he was working, and I kissed him. Like not just a peck, but a kiss kiss. He was very surprised, and just like when I handed him the receipt with my number, I ran away like a child, shocked at myself for doing that. It was the best first kiss I’ve ever had. Usually, first kisses are awkward and you stumble around unsure of each other. This kiss was not like that. It felt perfect. I knew he felt the same. We were instantly crazy about each other. Also, it did not hurt that we were in an ideal place to experience a summer romance. Living on an island kinda adds to that. If you can ever do that I 10/10 recommend it.

There were so many nights he would get off work at 3 am, and come walk me from my house to his. We would stay up all night just laughing with each other and kissing. We went from liking each other to being in love with each other so quickly. Don’t get me wrong though. Doorman and I fought. We fought hard all the time. I remember our very first fight was because he stood me up for a date, and since the island is 8 miles big and you can only walk or ride a bike, I hunted him down. When I found him, we fought right in the streets of Mackinac. We looked absolutely crazy to everyone around us, but we were also crazy about each other.

The fights were nothing like mine and Trey’s fights. Those fights were filled with anger, lies, and gaslighting. They were fights with me trying to decipher what was true and what was not, but my and Doorman’s fights weren’t like that. They were just us being stupid and in love. I remember telling my friend that the drama I had on the island felt like the drama I should be having in my 20s, and the drama I had with Trey felt dark and semi-abusive. I loved finally feeling light again. I loved finally feeling my age. I loved my new girlfriends, and I loved Doorman.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. Trey ended up finding out about Doorman, and was pretty angry, to say the least. I guess I can't blame him, but knowing what I know now about Trey does make his reaction a little ironic. Anyways, he was supposedly so distraught that his wife, whom he was very much separated from, would cheat on him that he went crying to my mother. He drove 3 hours in the middle of a workday, and he sobbed to my mother that he had lost his soul mate. In true narcissistic form, he had my family completely on his side, and heart broken for him. He just failed to mention all of the mental abuse he had put me through both during and after I was pregnant with his child.

My family was completely on his side. After all, I was a thousand miles away, and he was there in person to tell his side of things and cry in front of my mother. My family was furious with me. They thought I was throwing my life away for some, as Trey put it, "loser Doorman". It did not matter how much I tried to explain to them that I was happy and that I knew what I was doing. They wanted Trey and I to stay married, and to start a family. I understood they did not know the exact details of everything he had done, but I wanted the fact that I was happier to be enough for them. Unfortunately, Trey was able to manipulate the narrative to be in his favor in such a calculated way that it caused a painful distance between my family and me.

I tried to remain positive, but everyone in my life had been hurt. I had always been so close to one another, so no contact hurt. It eventually got to the point where I felt like I had to fix things with Trey in order to make things right. The season on Mackinac ended, and so did my time with Doorman. I broke his heart and mine. I did love Trey though. There was still that part of me that missed how much he seemed to love me when he married me, and I still had no idea how much he was cheating on me. I had no idea how fake our whole life together was.

Before I left Mackinac Island and decided to fix things with Trey, I had secured a job in Park City, UT. I knew I did not want to go back home, so I found a job even farther away. However, once I got back home I missed my family, and I missed my home with Trey. Even though things did not feel right at all, I was slowly making the decision not to go to Park City. However, I knew in the pit of my stomach that things were weird. I ended up missing my flight, and immediately after my flight took off I was supposed to be on, I felt an awful sense of dread. At that moment, I told Trey I needed to go to Park City, and we could work on things long distance. He was so angry with me, but I spent an extra $300, rebooked my flight for the next day, and left. That was the last time I ever physically saw Trey. I vividly remember him standing on the balcony watching me pull away.

I was in Park City for one month before I found out everything Trey had done. I cried every day that I was there. I held onto this guilt that I was the one that wrecked our marriage. He made sure to make me feel the same way, but he also reassured me that he still loved me just to keep me on a string. I just wanted a family. I wanted to be a mom again. The first month I was here, I was in a deep dark depression. Every day I felt like I had given up my chance at a family by deciding to still come to Park City.

I remember the day I found out my life was a lie so vividly. It was my day off, and I had just woke up. I had a bunch of messages from my girlfriend. Turns out mistress 1 of 15 and counting had gotten my friend's number off of Trey's phone and decided to out the fact that he had been cheating on me for years. I'm still frustrated that she was not brave enough to contact me directly. I mean, she had been brave enough to have a relationship with my husband knowing he was married, but in the end, I guess it does not matter.

Most of you are very aware of how this all ended. Once I finally got this woman to respond to me, I found out she was 45 with a 16-year-old son, and she had been with Trey since I lost the baby. She also told me there were at least 5 or 6 more women (the number is now around 15), and that he had been cheating on me with the original girl he had cheated on me with when we were 21. Basically, this grown woman in her 40s found out she was not the only person he was having an affair with, so she decided to out his whole operation. She had been following me on all my social media this entire time, and constantly viewing my TikTok page that Trey had shown to her.

While I was away in Mackinac Island, he had this woman out apartment shopping for us like she was our real estate agent. The whole time she thought that this guy in his 20s, that she had just met was going to buy her an apartment. Every video and photo he had sent me of what was supposed to be our dream home, were all taken by her.

The disturbing nature of this conversation with this 45 -year old woman did not stop there. She then goes on to tell me that she had her IUD taken out, and she was now attempting to have a baby with my husband. This woman has a 16-year old son who just lost his father, also her husband. Now , she was not only trying to get pregnant by someone else’s husband, she picked up her son and moved him to a town he did not know all so she could be closer to Trey. She even sent me pictures of her son building gingerbread houses with Trey on Christmas Day. That photo will haunt me for the rest of my life. Her son looks so happy and care free. Little does he know that this 20-something-year old guy, trying to play dad with him on Christmas, is actually my abusive narcissistic husband. He was so innocent in this situation, and I think about him daily.

Needless to say, I was absolutely devastated that night, and I ended up stupidly and drunkenly making a TikTok about it. Due to that TikTok, I was graced with waking up to a comment section full of older women admitting to having an affair with him. Some of them referred to me as their sister wife. One girl said that she and the other women had been taking bets on whether I killed myself or not. One of them got her friends to start commenting that I was ugly. It was really such a great time. Even today I am still having other women come forward with new information about him and about being with him.

To sum things up, it turns out Trey had been cheating on me before we got married, the entirety of our marriage, during my pregnancy, and immediately after we lost the baby. There was not a second of our life or memories that were real. To everyone on the internet, I seemed like a put-together woman who was enraged, but in real life, I wanted to die. I have never been in that dark of a place before. I missed a week of my new job and did not leave bed. It took everything in me to keep from killing myself. Every day I had to think about my dog Riley. Looking back, I still do not know how I survived that.

It hurts so deeply to think back to when I was pregnant and how horrifically sick I was, and that entire time he was out having unprotected sex with an unknown number of women. It is one thing to know he did not care about me, but it kills me to know he did not care that he was putting our baby at risk by the exposion to possible STDs. I loved our child more than anything. It still destroys me everyday. My parents were elated to become grandparents. It remains a painful loss for my family.

Now it's two months later, and I'm still working on figuring things out. I'm still alive though, and I'm making a strong effort to live my life for me. I have no idea what the next year holds, but I do know I have come so far in the last two months. I am in no way thankful I went through this. However, I know I came out so much stronger. I have a voice and a platform with thousands of people all over the world waiting to see me pick up the pieces and create an amazing life for myself.